When was the last time you felt free?
I have this weird thing with curtains – theatre or cinema: As soon as the lights go out and the curtain opens, I feel a shiver down my spine.
Expecting a great performance, wanting to be moved; I have the same sheer excitement when boarding a plane (no pun intended), before a date, before going on stage myself. I can never not feel that way when I am in the audience.
When I saw the trailer for Bohemian Rhapsody, I knew that I had to see it. Not only am I a real Queen fan (thanks Mum), but also, like everyone else, I wanted to see what they would make of it.
There have been many critics writing about historical accuracy and the depiction of certain topics such as how Freddie Mercury contracted HIV etc. Those points might all be valid, but they weren’t mattering to me at all. The accuracy of the band’s formation process, or the lack of it, did not make this movie any less valuable to me than it is.
A Pledge For The Eccentric
I was on a film project once, and this was my: „I am a theatre student, I am wearing this hat“ phase. The male lead of the film said something along the lines of: „Well, most people who wear hats all the time are eccentric“. Even if he was quite an interesting persona himself, I took it as insult. Yet, it had some truth to it.
I want to be seen. I have this egocentric idea in my head, that I want to be seen for „what I am“ by others. I want them to read my art, see it, experience it. Write hideous reviews about it and make me cry.
To feel all the feelings and pledge to not let it consume me, to find a steady office job, to settle for all the things. To not do any of that, so in the end, I can say: It wasn’t what I should have done – but it was worth it.
„This is a claim by a twenty-something and she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Sooner or later, illnesses will come (there already are some, thankyouverymuch), bills will come (I am paying them, though!), she will forget about being an artist once and for all.“
I never will. I am not sure I will make it, that might be true. But who are you to say that I won’t achieve my goals? I am not so blind to believe that I hold the key to all the answers. But I know what’s true for me. We should all be more outrageous every day. You can still be professional and polite and good for the 23 hours that remain.
So, paint, if you want to paint, even if it’s 2 am at night. Colour your hair red and blue, even if he thinks you’re making a fool of yourselves. This isn’t the real world, wake up, they say? But you’re not dreaming, dear, you have your eyes wide open.